Skip to main content

Dance in the pain

For the last month or so, when not dragging my gimpy sciatica stressed left leg around the British Council, I have been mainly resting in bed. Me in bed makes Roso happy and here she is snuggling into my hair and telling me everything is gonna be okay. Hers isn't the only positive message I have been receiving. A few days ago a friend posted the following on the northlands:

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain".

Simple bordering on trite yet it struck a chord. I have been waiting for the storm to pass for a while now and instead the clouds seem to get darker, and more full of rain. As much as I have loved it in the past 13 years I am ready to leave Thailand. Yet emigration to the US is as elusive as it was 3 months ago and will remain so until we find a co-sponsor. In the meantime friends are starting new lives of the kind I desire - Ian (who will one day I am sure be Yorkshire Ian) in England and Richard in his poetic Portuguese farmhouse, and I look at my grey skies and sigh.

What exactly do I want? (It helps I believe to be specific when wishing, whether on stars or rainclouds). I want to own a house with Wolf. I want to live in a place without needing a visa. I want to belong to somewhere - and not feel like an interloper or a tourist. I want to work but have nothing to do with TEFL teachers (sorry guys). I want to be able to ride a bike and walk without being drenched in sweat. I want large skies, fresh air, nature, fours seasons and peaches and raspberries in the summer. I want to feel well and full of inspiration.

I also want to stop wanting. Waiting isn't the problem, wanting the waiting to end is.

In the meantime I need to get past the debilitating stress that is filling my body with pain and my soul with anxiety. I need to believe that finishing work in October and facing an uncertain future won't kill me. I need to dance in the rain.

So the first small step to dancing is to tell myself our wishes will come true. We will get to Minnesota and the second North (the first being Northern Thailand) of my imagining will become real. Just bear with me, okay?

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Popular posts from this blog

Once a blogger

I was wondering, if you once blogged regularly do you always long for it? Time and time again I am drawn back to Imagine the North, although sadly - as the many false restarts will attest - I seem unable to capture the former magic.  I guess we have moved on (and away) from blogging.  The closest thing I have to it is Instagram.  Like ItN my Instagram account provides me of diary of partial highlights; but still, I miss the text, the insight (my own insight gained through the act of putting a thought into words, a small concept with a beginning, middle and end) and the comments from friends.

Anyway here I am again, giving the old corpse of my blog a tentative poke with a stick, wondering if it is too far gone to resurrect.

My Self-Help Addiction

Today I am getting up close and personal with my self-help habit.  I have been looking for answers for years but seem no closer to finding them than when I first began to look.  Could it be that the search is futile?


This is my Gratitude Journal - every day I am supposed to write five things I am grateful for in order to remain focussed on life's positives.  I got the idea from a new (very inspirational and thought-provoking) friend on Facebook, Marike.

I am grateful for inspirational and thought-provoking friendships.
The journal is a lined exercise book with a firm card cover, wrapped in a really soft cloth that snaps shut with a very satisfying way.  The pen is a Cross and has my name engraved in the centre.  My husband bought me both for Christmas.

I am grateful for a generous and loving husband who knows not only that a pen and a journal will please me but also that having my name engraved on the pen and choosing a book wrapped in soft cloth with the perfect snap makes the difference between a wonderful gift and the perfect gift.
Did you notice that they are green?  I find myself suddenly smitten with green, he knows that too - it is a relatively recent love affair, but he picked it up qui…