Thursday, July 07, 2011

The left leg thing

One thing that prevented me coming back to yoga earlier was chronic pain in my left leg. I think of it as 'the left leg thing' but as people seem to prefer big sounding reasons (colleagues need reasons for my limp, yoga teachers need reasons for an inability to straighten my leg during forward bends, for example) out-loud I call it sciatica.  In truth I have no idea what it is or what caused it.

Dom (the creator of beginnings remember) says this particular incidence started in April this year as we were walking through the farm. The first time I remember it happening in my leg was coming home after my dad's funeral (April 2009) but prior to that I have had lower back problems and I see it as connected. Anyway it is affecting my ability to embrace yoga this time and so I am investing lots of time energy and money trying to fix it.

In my head there are several myths that have become attached to the left leg thing over time and in the interests of openness I will list them in no significant order and with no relevant explanation (as I am sure they will come later).

  • Anger at my mum for being drunk that Christmas (this was the first time my back hurt)
  • Years of claiming that my back problems began with the car crash when I was 17 rather than in childhood (above)
  • Stress generally and my particular inability to handle it
  • A demon living in my left hip
  • A connection between opening my left hip my heart chakra 
  • Fear and avoidance
  • The strong desire to cry during Warrior I
  • Sadness at my dad's death
  • Holding on to / feeling guilty about the baby I lost
  • The sense that I just need to pull myself together and the pain will go away

Holding on and letting go

"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." said Rumi (apparently, I didn't check the source).  I find this is particula...