Today my Ayurvedic doctor, Sangeeta Sirinthipaporn, dusted my oily feet with something resembling allspice and declared me healed.
Well not exactly 'healed' per se, but completely relaxed (solar plexus and adrenals) unblocked (bladder meridian) and cleared in a energy flow sense and able to conduct the remaining physical healing on my own. I felt a bit wobbly and emotional as I said goodbye and wanted to give her a hug but clung stoically to my English stiff upper whatsit. Which is ironically what got me into trouble in the first place, the tendency to go "no really I am fine" and swallow whatever anguish, anxiety or other unpleasant emotion beginning with A that I deem inappropriate for public consumption.
So I said 'thank you and maybe see you again', and she said 'no probably not because you are fixed you see', and I said 'well I might pop back anyway, cos you know... it's kinda nice having someone put fragrant oil in your hair' and she gracefully peeled my fingers away from her door frame, ushered me into the street and waved cheerfully through the wrought iron gate.
Sangeeta also teaches Ayurveda and I would quite like to study with her, but I do need to get well myself before I start taking on the burden of others' health. And I don't just mean I need my leg to stop hurting but also the other stuff the anxiety and self-esteem things.
But that is what I am doing yoga for right?